Happy Birthday Skisker AKA Marissa Robinson

So here we are 35 years later and you still amaze me. From the moment that Mama brought you home I was in complete shock because I thought my baby brother was coming home instead she brought me a baby sister. Some days I look at things and I can only see you as my baby sister, I watch you do things and I think that sometimes I have that thing in the back of my head that makes me want to protect you. To show you the world, to teach you things, but then I remember  despite being my baby sister your not my baby sister anymore. You have been able to hold your own for quite some time now. You're a grown woman,  you have responsibilities, grown up shit that goes on in your life, a family of your own. Plus you made my family whole. I know that sometimes you put on the brave face and act like it wasn't that big of a deal what you did for me, but I know that deep inside you went through a experience that no one can ever understand. When I realized that I would never be able to carry a child on my own, I used to look at your girls and think everything was going to be okay because they're an extension of us. They're my blood, my DNA, my family. I always just thought that I was only meant to be an aunt. But those Summers that your girl spent with me can never be replaced your girls were my girls. I would never have let anything happen to them. My life would be on the line if there was something between your girls and danger. I love them both I love them with not just the love of an aunt but I am proud, excited for them, and of course I want what's best for them they are our legacy. 

And it all began with you You are the one who gave us life when I couldn't. Our legacy, are traditions, even the story of our lives in general will live on because of you. Things that momma taught us will be passed on to be lessons and stories that will hopefully make the world better in the end.

 So I hope you understand and you realize how  important, 35 years ago on April 22nd of 1987 on Earth Day, when Mama walked in with a baby girl instead of a baby boy, that moment changed everything. Now you know our relationship has not always been on the same page, we have gone through a lot of things together and apart that made us who we are however you are my sister and I would never trade a moment of our childhood for anything in the world. I hope that our girls always stay close and encourage one another to be the  best they can be always. I am proud of you and hope you have an amazing birthday. ( Way better than last years). 😂

Let's not only light a fire, but ignite the asses of the world

 

"Our souls ought to be on fire, yet no one seems awake. - Susan B.  Anthony. 

If there is one thing I have noticed, that the world is lacking, is mankind's inability to look out for one another. I would like to see people care about each other. Today it seems like people are too self-centered too involved with themselves and they only care for people for entirely the wrong reasons as long as they can get what is important to them they care not what happens to anyone else.

This generation have been desensitized and entitled to the point that it's easy to not care about the outside world, it's easy to claw your way to the top, stepping on whom ever may possibly be in their way. They forget that the man who bears the scars of a hard earned living have nothing to lose, yet everything to gain. Once they get to that point of no return the only other way to go is up. If only we could see that instead of pounding each other into the pavement, we should help each other to climb to the top side by side as a team. All of our strengths working as one. It is  then we would become a force to be reckon with. We're never going to get anywhere if we don't lead by example open the doors to the Future and show them what there is to look forward to. Light the fire to our souls, and open our eyes to what we have been oblivious to for far to long. 

Good morning Are You New?? Part 1

Daddy 

 Good morning, it has come to my attention that introductions are in order. Most relationships that we have with one another start at one point. At introductions so being that I'm new here and you're new here we're going to get to know each other. My name is Monica my maiden name is Salazar you know like Slytherin house from Harry Potter but being that I am now a married woman my married name is Monica Ray but folks call me Momo not that scary girl that everybody was daring each other to look at on the internet and scare the beegees out of themselves. Which trust me sometimes I can be a scary person but for the most part I try to not be. Well throughout this blog you will find out that Momo Ray is a lot of different things. And that my life not only started out very unconventional but has continued to be.This blog could be triggering to a lot of people so at this point I am going to remind everyone that we're going to be talking about a lot of mental health issues and mental illness, depression surviving suicide not only for the person who was intending to take their life but the people around them, miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies surrogency, infertility, abandonment issues, toxic family members as well as toxic friends, and of course we will be discussing not parents who are unfit, but parents who are emotionally immature.

So I was born in Tucson Arizona in 1978 on May 16th. My parents were from a very small town in Southern Arizona called Marana. When I say small town I'm talking about everybody knew everybody and most likely the reason everyone knew everyone was because they were related in some form even if it was only by marriage. Like I said before my father's family were the Salazar's and no we didn't come from a famous witching community at least not on that side but my grandparents were farmers not only that but they were migrant workers, moving from farm to farm, following the seasons to provide for their fast growing family. My grandmother was expecting my Father, when at the same time her first born daughter was expecting her first child as well. My Father was her ninth child her youngest of the three boys and he would be the one to carry on my grandfather's name, Jasinto. Which roughly translates to Jason. But those who really knew him called him Pie. It's not what you think he wasn't named after a sweet dessert He actually was constantly joking around and poking fun at things he so rarely was serious about anything that everyone started calling him Piaso which means clown in Spanish. 

A letter to you, a letter to me , a letter us

" I am my own muse. The subject I know best. The subject I want to better." - Frida Kahlo

Dear Monica & Momo,

Both of you know that we have been co-habitating for quite some time, which is cool, seems like we have made it this far, and we are still alive. So Ladies we are coming together in this letter to reflect on how well we know ourselves, and what we need to become a better us. Well first let's take a look at how far we have come. We seem to always put a ton of Blame on Momo for the drug use, but Monica you are the one who could throw back a bottle of Hypnotic all by yourself, (we were all there as one) We even made a term up that our circle of could use for code, to emphasize time to smoke "safety meeting" or when someone was coming "incoming" or instead of calling it by it's name calling it "cream"  or "hope". Making up an excuse for why we are parked on the side of the road hitting the pipe, or in the storage room at restaurant, or making someone walk in rain because I was trying to get back to Serena's to get back smoking. I am pointing my fingers at you Monica, cause you know Momo didn't even exist at that time. Things like this we should share responsibility for as a whole. We wear many hats, we are a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a co-worker, an alcoholic, a drug addict, a product of immature parenting, making us a covert narcissist. Are we bad at all these labels??? Of course we are, we super suck at everything we try to do. Have we ever let this stop us??? Crickets (chirp, chirp) we get knocked down almost everytime. So Ladies the one thing we have to do to become better is being an amazing Mom. Everything in the past no longer matters, everything is different now. We are now examples of what we want our girls to be. We have to be better so that they can better. We can not fail at this it is way to important. Even on the days when we feel like we are doing everything wrong. I know you all feel it, that feeling that this is right. Like we were meant to raise these two girls.

So Ladies I assume you feel like me when I say all the things from our past might not have been all bad choices and wrong doings, but a mix of good and bad that makes us who we are, I regret nothing and neither should you. We have been through it together, and we always will. Period. 

Love y'all,

Skeeter AKA Pieta, Monica, Momo, and of course "Mommy"

This Blog is dedicated to my girls. Skyllar and Neva. Hope y'all know how proud I am to be your mom. This family is my life. I will do what it takes to be what you need no matter what.