Dear Monica

 Dear Monica,

    Today is my day off and I thought about catching up on some laundry or cleaning my mom's house a bit, you know while I am awake and being productive.I have been thinking about doing some side projects to eventually try to earn some money.I have been thinking about Podcasting, becoming a voiceover actor for online books. selling some health products, but really I just want to talk and tell my story like I always have wanted to in the past. 

    I have always wanted to just put myself out there tell a story about why I am who I am but lately I feel like I am losing sight who "me" really is. I used to have all the answers. I could give you my two cents even if you didn't want it. I didn't care if I hurt feelings or not because I said my truth.Folks just dealt with it.. I now have a family of my own. My husband and I have officially been together half of our lives. We met when he was 18 years old, he will be 38 in  September. I was 22 and I just turned 44 in May. So much life experience is just rolled into 20 years. We have helped raise children that where blood related to us. Some that we had placed in our care, and grown adults  that choose to be with us for one reason or another.People have just always seemed drawn to us. I have no idea why but here we are now twenty years later raising daughters and I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I am a mother. She is my life. They both are but with  Skyllar we share her upbringing with Barb. She is still her full time Parent. We are The Plan B just in case, but the more years that go by. I realize how Skyllar needs us less and less. Don't get me wrong that is great. I have always wanted  Skyllar to have as much time possible with her Mom as she could get, but that means that we have less and less time with her too. Neva is the one who puts it all in perspective. I look at her everyday and realize she is watching my every move. I also realize that at the age of eight she has a grasp on the reality of the world far sooner then me and my sister ever did. Both of the girls had to deal with death sooner then I did. They both started adjusting to adult situations at young ages. I want to say that I would not change a thing, but I do kind of wish they had more Time to be kids.

                                                                    As always  Hang in there

                                                                            Love Always,

                                                                            Monica Ray

Be yourself no matter what.

" Why fit in when you were born to stand out " - Dr. Seuss

More times than not people tend to put their best face forward to new people. We want the world to believe we are approachable, we want them to like us from the beginning, they call it making a good first  impression. In reality we do what we believe people want us to in order to fit in with the crowd. We don't voice our true feelings making curtain we know where everyone else stands on a certain subject before we are allowing others to past judgment on our true selves.

I am not one of these people, what makes me unique, and stand out from other people is that I have never let anyone tell me who I am, or who I can be. You more than likely have never met anyone like me. I speak my mind even if my opinion is not the popular ideas of the day. In this world of untitled youth that need the world to notice them for the just being alive. My experiences and contributions to this world are earned, I lived through each and every one of them. I wish that this was true for everyone else too. Perhaps people call them mistakes, I call life lessons, to learn from. If I had to go back and do it all again, I would like to say I would do it the same.  Why are we so afraid to be ourselves?? I have noticed that people present a version of themselves that they feel would be better liked by the public.  

A few years ago, My baby Girl Neva discovered You Tube. She like many young kids, followed a girl named Jojo Siwa. This girl had Merch, everywhere. I didn't even know at the time what she was famous for. All I knew was my daughter wanted to watch her channel, and begged for anything with this girls face  plastered on it. She tells me one day, she wants to be famous like Jojo Siwa. I told her "How about you be like Neva Soliel instead. "She was about four years old at the time and had no idea what being "her " really meant. As the years pass by and my baby girl gets older, and much more knowledgeable I notice that she becomes more of her own person with Parts of Wesley and I just kind of emphasizing her personality. 

These days she is thinking about starting her own Youtube Channel and JoJo Siwa is in her rearview as she emerges into Neva Soliel Ray.  The Person she has always been destined to be from the start. One of a kind and Unique which Ironically was the first thing my husband said to me when we first met. " You will never meet another person like me " and true to his word I have not. I hope my daughter is the same way. I have been afraid that someone would say something to her that would change her perspective about herself, and how she sees the world as a whole. I love her imagination, her individual point of view, and her empathy for others. 

Dr. Seuss,'s books had such a unique spin on literature that people question if it was nonsense he was writing or lessons for children and grownups alike, to ponder and reflect on. His writing   was for many of us our first, chance to step outside of what was considered normal and have fun learning. He is one of the Authors who has been banned in some institutions of education for not conforming to a certain standard, as well using words that at the time they were written and  published, were common.

We have to many instances now a days when we are told, what is alright or politically Correct to say out loud. I understand that we should be courteous to each other but when someone tells you that you can not read  something because it isn't on an approved reading list, you should probably ask yourself, what could possibly be in that book that they don't want you to know. Look closer we have to make sure the wool is not blocking our view, and we have all the information that is available to us.  

Bebè, Man's, Women's and children's Best Friend

Our 20 year old Chihuahua/Pitbull Bebé

On May 8th 2022, we lost our dog. She was no ordinary dog, we actually got her as an adult. She wasn't a puppy, she was a full grown adult dog. Yet she was so unique that people would see her and had a hard time fathoming what exactly she was. She was a desert dog born in Marana Arizona on the Salazar Ranch. This is actually my cousin Joey and his wife Nicolette's property. They had a female Pitbull who had a few litters puppies, one particular litter accidentally came from a Chihuahua, who died shortly after the encounter. Half of the litter looked like momma, some looked like daddy but one was completely different than them all. She was tiny, yet stocky in statute, her eyes bulging from her face. She was fearless a natural at  pest control, there was nothing she couldn't get rid of. Even dogs that were more than 10 times her size, she would not back down to them. She was a force to be reckoned with. The night that we brought her home, she was reluctant to climb on the bed with the other dogs. The next morning I accidentally rolled over on top of her and she attacked my face leaving me with a scar. She also would antagonize our Pitbull, BB. Our dog was a natural mother she instinctively would find any dog that was smaller than her and try to nurse it. But Bebé was not having it. Honestly she was older than BB to begin with. Ultimately one day baby had enough and put her entire mouth over babies whole body reminding her that she could eat her. After that the two became girlfriends. Not sure what other way to put it because Bebé took to grooming BB. They were best friends until the day that BB died. When we decided to move back to Texas, we had Roscoe and Bebé, knowing that we would be staying with my sister who had a puppy of her own. And knowing that Roscoe who had lived in the country his whole life would have a difficult time adjusting to living in a city, we made the decision to leave Roscoe with a friend and bring Bebé with us. We knew that at her age it would be irresponsible to leave her behind. No matter where we went everyone enjoyed having her around. She was house trained and follow commands, but most importantly she made our family whole. She was one of a kind and can never be replaced. She was not only Man's best friend but she was mine, my mother's, my step father's, my niece's, and both my daughters. She was more than just a dog. She was family. We used joke around and tell people she was a chupacabra ( the legendary goat sucker). Or an Arizona desert hound. When we would tell anyone what breed she was, on the off chance that she wasn't with us, they would automatically have to see a picture of her to see exactly what a Chihuahua and a Pitbull look like. She was a beautiful soul and at the age of 20, she was way too good for this world, and has her family we didn't deserve to have her. She was completely to good for us as well. She loved us with everything she had, which was one of the biggest fur baby hearts I have ever known. Everyday since she passed away has an empty and awkward. She is completely missed and loved by many. 

Come as you are. Lessons in being able to just be me not what people want me to be

 

" I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." -KURT COBAIN

Just about my entire life I have noticed that I wasn't like everyone else. I never had a hard time making friends or being accepted. My mom raised us to be open-minded to understand that everyone is not the same. None of us was meant to be like anyone else. Yet we tend to try to camouflage ourselves within each other so that we don't stand out. 

Kurt Cobain was and continues to be a legend in a world that may not have been ready for him. He changed the face of music forever. Yes Nirvana was the band, but Kurt Cobain was the face and voice, of a generation that had no idea how to express their feelings. One day this man came out of nowhere and taught millions of teenagers, and young adults that they didn't have to walk around with a smile on their face. They didn't have to accept the world as it was or how they were told to view it. They didn't have to conform or live the lives of their grandparents, or even parents. In turn I don't believe that Kurt Cobain realized how famous he was going to become. When the weight of being an icon is suddenly placed on your shoulders sometimes we need help to lift it up, sometimes we don't know how to ask for help to lift our ownselves. Being yourself is sometimes the easiest thing you can do, other times it can be the hardest. No one handles who they see in their reflection the same way. We also have a difficult time seeing what others see when they look at us. More times than not we are harsh on ourselves, we tend to call ourselves all the names that we think others are secretly calling us behind our backs. 

How many people do you know that seem to be so unhappy with who they are because they are not being honest with the world. How many people do you know that appear to be artificially happy with who they are. Fake a smile so no one knows what's really inside. If I have learned anything from watching the pattern of human nature it is this, it's easier to tell people that everything is fine that you are all right that nothing is wrong. Once you let your guard down and open up to people you run the risk of being hurt. You're under scrutiny and suddenly people are handling you and your feelings with child gloves. Everything is fine, I'm all right, nothing's wrong just become so much easier to say out loud. It's better than I'm sad, I need help, or I am feeling wrong about everything. I am ready to end this all becomes the voice in our head that makes the most sense. Everything else feels like procrastination of something that eventually it's just going to happen. It has become a little more acceptable for anyone male or female to be able to express their emotions and their feelings. We have begun to take the time to listen to what people are trying to say rather than just pushing things to the back burner. Where my generation was told that crying is weakness it doesn't solve any problems. We were taught to push our emotions as far back as we could and suck it up. My mother's generation was taught that their opinions didn't matter. Kids should be seen and not heard, was the saying. Our grandparents where raised to be extensions of their family. All of them working to support their family as a whole, since the average family had more than four children. Some of them were able to go to school to get an education and some of them went straight to work to support their families. All of them had more responsibility then the average child of today. 

So having a substantial amount of people around you does not necessarily mean that you are social in fact hiding behind a group of people is the best way to hide that you are unhappy and need help. 

Ask for help when you need it. If you wait until it's to late you can not turn back. 

Death in threes

 So it was Coco Washington that I heard about first. We have known each other since we were kids in Arizona. My mom worked at a daycare center in Rilitto a small town that made, the small town of Marana look like a city in comparison. My mom met some lifelong friends that actually turned into family working at  the Daycare.

When I first met Coco she wasn't Coco at the time.  She was Andre Washington. Her mother was Laura Mae and one of my mom's friends. Even then we all knew that Andre was not meant to be. He was born into the world but he never was actually a product of it. Coco was always there underneath the surface just needing to get out. Andre was a small built young boy, who was very flamboyant, talking with his hands and standing with a hand on his hip. He was beautiful, to beautiful for masculine features. He was teased often being born to an extremely athletic family, not only the men, but even the women competitive as hell. He had more in common with his female family members and friends. In fact my cousin Jeanette and Andre where Best Friends growing up. Eventually Andre Washington became, Chanel Washington Coco for short. From then on she was Coco. Or "Bitch don't call me Andre!!" Let me tell you you about Coco. She was a powerhouse, an individual who always played by her own set of rules, who made bringing herself exceptable before gender equality was excepted in normal social circles. She was open-minded and excepted people as they where. She made sure everyone around her was taken care of before her own needs. The world is lacking of a beautiful soul. We all will never be the same, now that we have lost her.

The second person that we have lost this week was a gentleman we worked with at the Walmart in Grapevine TX. Don Was an amazing co-worker we worked pretty close to each other. We worked in the deli department and he was produce. He was a huge Football Fan. Pittsburgh, Steelers was his team. Sundays during Football season were eventful with just about all of us rooting for different teams. He was a father, a husband, an amazing friend. He was always quick with a joke, A smile, and good conversations. He will be missed so much. 

The last person that has been taken way to soon from my life is Jeremy Canion formally known as Jeremy West. I met Jeremy West in Sixth grade at Bryson Elementary School in Saginaw TX, this just happens to be the same school my daughter attends. We rode the bus together. We graduated together but we actually became part of each other's history forever connecting us to each other. First of all my best friend Jamie has always loved Jeremy. They have always been an unofficial item. Anytime we had get togethers or hooked up for some reason or another Jeremy and Jamie usually hooked up together. He was actually the first boy that ever gave her flowers. And trust me and Jamie was actually a pretty hard shelled person when she was younger. She was very picky about who was going to be her boyfriend who is going to stay in her life yet Jeremy was a different story.

Actually when we first became friends with Jeremy West we actually didn't know him very well he was friends with our friend Roy Pierce. Well one day around Halloween the grocery store in our town diamond supermarket set up this haunted house that was just basically flashing lights and animatronics popping out to startle people who walked through. Well Jeremy just happened to be there and he saw us go in through the entrance to the haunted house so he decided to go in through the exit and meet us in the middle. Thing is we didn't realize that he was coming from the other direction and when we met in the middle he's scared us and we both screamed so loud freaking out. Trust me neither one of us are easy to scare so for him to do that we were completely thrown off guard. At that time we didn't even know his name but pretty soon we were all inseparable. It was Roy Pierce, Robert Rosales, Jeremy West, Dustin Minshew, Jamie Byrd and me, Monica Salazar. Dustin actually didn't go to school with us but every weekend he was staying the night and one of the boys' house and we were all hanging out. As the years went by we all started hanging out with different groups. Robert started hanging out with different people Dustin was at another school so we saw him less and less. Jamie move to Keller so she didn't finish out Junior High with us nor high school. But we still did everything in our power to stay connected to each other. Roy and I actually got closer and closer and he became a confidant and guardian in a way. Jeremy started hanging out with  skaters. Even though we weren't all in the same social groups we still make sure to acknowledge each other and try to keep our friendship going. A lot of times everybody ended up hanging out at my house because my mom worked overnights so it was easier for us to have get togethers and shindigz without parental supervision. So one day Jeremy was at my apartment hanging out and my mom came home from work unexpectedly. So Jeremy hid under my bed, definitely not daring to come out or my mom would have went ballistic. So after a while I excused myself and went into my bedroom climbed under the bed where Jeremy was and we he decided that that day would be the day that Jeremy would have his first kiss. I was his first kiss. Even though neither one of us ever took it any further than that it was something that we had that belong to only us. No one could ever take that moment from us. He was an incredible guy, raised by a single mother like me. So he was incredibly respectful of women, never making any of us feel uneasy about hanging out with him. He was an amazing artist above is a original picture he drew. He just had an beautiful disposition and anyone who ever met him was lucky to know him including me. 

So Coco, Don in Produce, and Jeremy Canion West all of y'all rest in peace and love 💕 y'all more than you will ever know

Living a full life is not measured by your quantity of life but the quality of life.

Anne Marie Frank

The Diary of a young
🥀Girl🥀

"What a wonderful thought that some of the best
Days of our lives haven't even happened yet"

It's actually is rather peculiar in a completely horrible in the saddest way that this quote was written by Anne Frank. Is beyond optimistic considering what destiny had in store for her. The world feels like they have a special connection with Anne Frank and her family because most of us have read her memoir in either Junior High or High School, but for those of you who have not read The Diary of a young girl. The story is about a family who is trying to survive the invasion of the Nazis in Amsterdam during World War II. Two separate families hid in an annex disguised behind a bookcase in a warehouse, that the patriarch of the Frank Family worked at. The 15-year-old school girl and her group were discovered two years later on August 4th of 1944 eight people were arrested and taken to concentration camps located in Nazi Germany. Anne and her sister were taken to Auschwitz, however in November of 1944 both where transfered to Bergen-Belsen concentration camp. In less than a year toward the end of February early March of 1945 they were both dead. The only member of the Frank Family to survive was their father Otto. Otto return to the warehouse where they had spent two years cramped in a small room and there he found his daughter's diary that she wrote in almost every day. Remembering his young daughter writing in this book. He recalled her saying how she wanted more than anything to be a writer. She wanted to show the world how it looked from her perspective. And without ever knowing that is exactly what she did. She gave the world a inside look of the lengths that the Jewish community would go to just to continue to exist. She helped us understand how brutal  humans can be to one another. How they can treat each other like they are less than human. Just pawns of a war that they should never have been a part of. Even reading the words in print that she wrote with her own hand we still could never completely understand or relate to what this family and millions of other people had to go through in order to be viewed as people.

The story of Anne Frank has been viewed in several different ways. Some people feel as if we really have no idea what actually happened to her because her diary ends before she was arrested. Some people think that she escaped from the concentration camp and that she was able to start a completely new life under an alias. Maybe she just became a story that people told each other in order to feel like their story was being told and coming forward with all of it's dirt and grime. We really just don't know what actually did happen to her, what she endured but we do know that her story may have been unique to us yet thousands upon thousands of people shared her experiences, in person or threw a book, or stories passed down from generation to generation from family members who could have been snuffed out for just existing, annihilating an entire family lineage. It makes us think of how easy life can be taken and the lengths the human spirit can endure to survive. In the end Anne was anticipating what would be waiting at the end of her struggle, knowing what her family had to do was what was necessary to thrive against a foreign invasion that was sure to end soon. She looked forward to better days. Even if better days where not promised. 

Today we see people give up and give in to social standards even if they don't believe what they are giving their lives up for. We see our children feeling that they do not have to, comply to what the world has to teach. Our future is in the hands of a society that doesn't want to learn our historical lessons, they are to busy trying to not offend anyone who is not part of the social norms from the past. Our history teaches us that when men are finally paying for their sins, the answer in their defense is usually " I was following orders" or " I was doing what I was told or taught" never that "I  was a monster who should pay for my own actions". 

Why should they when the world defends them along with the people they set out to destroy for just existing. 

This year Anne Frank would have been 93 years old, decades later we know her name as well as our own, her story is always being rehashed for future generations to be involved and informed yet we continue to be blinded to the hate, and close mindedness that we should have acknowledged as injustice to human life. Our Nation was built from people taking from others that were considered savage and to uneducated to be a real threat to their European way of life. Instead of viewing them as equals they tried to get rid of what was standing in their way. They tried to kill them with disease, push them off their own land, domesticate them to comply with their way of life, and in the end they tried to take everything that made them who they were by whitewashing their youth taking even their names, forcing a foreign religion on them, and allow their culture to died. Making them ashamed of everything they had been taught. We haven't learned what human life is worth until someone takes it from you. Sometimes it's death, sometimes it's a life that is not what you thought it would turn out to be, but maybe our best day's of our lives haven't even happened yet. What a wonderful thought.... 

 

What is a friend? According to Cookie Monster and Sesame Street.

" Sometimes me think, what is friend? And then me say friend is someone to share the last cookie with"   

-Cookie Monster 

Cookies, are an interesting dessert 🍪. There are so many varieties of cookies that literally there is a cookie for everyone.  If I was to make a list of people I consider my friends, I think that the type of cookie I would share my last with, would make a difference, because all my friends are different.

Wesley, Neva, Skyllar, I would share any type of cookie with because they are my world. I would give them the last of anything I have if it would make them better.

Dawn Panzarino, Kenzie Shelton, Jimmy Fennel, Cassie Fennel, Kevin ( Amy & Big Tony included) Fry, David Hanna, Ms. Pattie Rodriguez, Nana and Bill Sparkman, Lil' T, Nathaniel, Ms Kathy Dongas, Carla Barrett, Heather Chappa, Waylon and Stephanie, Charlotte. Chris Butler, his son Andrew, Betty Stein and of course Beth I would bake them a gigantic chocolate chip cookie, just soft enough to be Gooey, but stay in tact when held in their hands. This is because these people helped us when they didn't have to. Most of them actually held our family together by making us part of their family. Asking for nothing in return. We ran into so many barriers, while living in Arizona. These people in separate ways kept us in their thoughts. They lend us a helping hand when we thought it was hopeless. I will never forget, or be able to repay what impact was made on our lives, by people who barely had anything to give, yet never thought twice about helping a family in need.

Jamie Byrd-Trejo, Rory Jay, Athena Peebles, Angela Riddles-Lacey, Roy Pierce, TJ Martin, Melissa Morris-Sherrin, Stephanie Routon, Krystal Thompson, Nelda, I would share a variety of oatmeal, chocolate, cheesecake, and sugar cookies. They are my best friends, who have never given up on me. 

Ms. Catherine Tacket I would share a raspberry, or a peanut butter cookie. She gave me a ride to and from work for over a year and never asked for anything in return. Not even money for gas. She said she was already on her way to work but I knew she still had to go a little bit out of her way to get me. But she just wanted me to get to work without worrying about how to get there. When my vehicle wasn't legal to drive. She loved the heck out of Neva, and let her call her grandma. She is an amazing woman, with a big heart. She wasn't appreciated as much as she should have been by, several people in her life, but this never stopped her from being herself and voicing her opinion no matter if it wasn't so popular. She also shared with me a breakfast sandwich or half of a candy bar she may have bought for the ride home. 

Justen Morrison, he and I would share, a cookie of his choice probably oatmeal from McDonald's. He is the reason that Wesley and I even know each other. My entire family wouldn't exist without that moment I met Justen. I also gained a few more friends that became family because we found Justen after a few years of no contact. We meet Johnny and Ellen Gulley, who are like a second set of parents to us. We also met Jennifer Goar, who introduced us to Charlie, and Melvin. Even though we don't care for his choices in women, we are family. 

I would definitely share my last cookie with Pops, (my father in law) because I know he would share his last cookie with me, even if it was all he had to his name. He has always tried to make sure everyone is taken care of. Even when it puts him in a bind. However he loves with every he has. Our shared cookie wouldn't be a cookie at all it would be some homemade fudge. He does make the best. My mom would be someone I would share my last cookie with but it would have to be Sugar free because she has worked so hard to get her blood sugar balanced out. 

The last group of people that I would share my last cookie with, are my babies. I call them my babies but they're really not my children. My foster sons Jordan O'Leary, Paul, Chris, Alex and Dillion. My God children which are my best friend Jamie's the children Gavin Michael, Stacy Alexandria, and Nicholas Lauro. My nieces and nephews my sister's girls Mercadi Rachelle and Tiana Lachelle. Also My brother's twins Kaylnn and Ashlynny my brother in laws, children  Kenneth William Jr Kaleb Noah Jaden Alize, Victoria Lee and of course my niece that was giving up for adoption Julia Jordan. Louie and Jennifer's kids Elijah, Eliyah, and Manny, John Lyons who was grown man when I met him, yet he has had to learn a lot of basic life skills from us. Aliana's kids Dalton, and Brianna who now are the parents of my beautiful nephews and nieces, Lyla, Bellamy and Levi oh and I can't forget John lyons's son Jacob Wesley. These are my babies these are children that have come into my life over the years and I love them and would do anything for them like they were my own children because they are. I would go to the ends of the world, demolish anyone who ever hurt them making them sorry they ever messed with my babies, and love them no matter what. They are my family. What kind of cookies what kind of cookie would I share with these kids I would give them any cookie they ask for but most likely it would be a sugar cookie with frosting on top. So much frosting that it stains their entire mouth. I believe wholeheartedly that children are a gift, I don't believe in coincidences so I believe that every child that is born is here for a particular or exact reason. I don't think people understand how many components have to fall into place in order for a child to be conceived. People think that just having physical intercourse is what makes a baby but they don't understand that so many factors have to line up in order for a child to be brought into this world. So life from the beginning is precious. And all of us are living in it together playing our own separate roles. 

If It was up to me I would share my last cookie with anyone who asked. I tend to spread myself pretty thin when it comes to people who are in need. I tell people all the time if I have it it's yours. If I don't I will tell you from the beginning. Even though many people would not agree with this notion, I figure life is short and you can't take anything from this world with you when you go so why make a big deal out of things that are so material. That being said like I said before cookies are something special, and if you have the chance to make someone's Day by sharing your last cookie with them that makes you a good friend. Be proud of that because Good friends are hard to find, and even harder to keep.